Dating a sex addict relationship advice
It was just becoming unbearable.” Her obsession with sex and relationships affected her daily life, including her career in Hollywood: “You’re sitting at your desk fantasizing about having a relationship with your married boss.Or [actually] having a relationship with your married boss—[I’ve] done that more than once! “Running around with married men was just, like, ‘This is so fun! I just get all the good, fun parts and they treat me like a princess and we don’t have to argue about bills or any of the dull parts!“One of the most important things in the treatment process is learning that you have rights, you have limits, you get to say no,” says Hudson.Sex and relationship addicts can be so accustomed to accepting “crumbs,” as de Guzman put it, that they may not know how to leave a relationship that doesn’t feel good.But while movies and music nearly always have a happy ending, Riley’s reality was much different: “I was spending much too much time balled up on the floor in the fetal position, clutching my belly, just wanting to die because some guy hadn’t called me back.”At age 42, after getting clean from a cocaine addiction, Riley eventually realized the anguish she felt over parting ways with a man was lasting “longer than the so-called relationship,” she says.“I would date someone for six weeks and I would suffer over it for six months.’” The expansion of women’s sexual freedom made it easier for Riley to justify her harmful behavior as “rebellious” or “antiauthoritarian,” she said, because it’s more palatable to consider yourself “free-spirited” than, say, a homewrecker.“I look back on it now and I think, Wow, I was really hurting a lot of people."But as with any type of addiction, the addict in question probably isn’t thinking clearly about who her behavior could hurt.
After all, it appears frequently in rom-coms and pop songs, she says."I believed that that was all I was good for."Throughout her 20s, she assumed other straight women were reacting or feeling the way she did with men and that “all that guys would want from me” was sex.So she used sex as “a tool,” in her words, to keep men close to her.There’s also the need to stop sexualizing any kind of nurturing and instead give platonic friendships or professional relationships with the opposite sex room to breathe.Sexualizing every relationship “frequently happens if you don’t have good boundaries and you learn that sex is love,” Hudson explains.
As Gwyneth Paltrow’s character jokes in the 2014 film In reality, sex addiction is much more complicated—and it doesn’t only affect men.